By EURIE HWANG SEOUL, South Korea – North Korean leader Kim Jong-un limped onto center stage today to commemorate the 20th anniversary of the death of his grandfather and the nation’s founder, Kim Il-sung. State media broadcasted live footage of the mass memorial, packed with thousands of political and military officials applauding their young leader. The meeting lasted less than 30 minutes and the camera cut away as he left the stage. It is yet undetermined what caused Kim’s limp. He recently took a trip to a naval unit to inspect a prized submarine.
“I just wanted to make my people happy. Unfortunately, we couldn’t. I’m sorry, I’m sorry to all Brazilians, I just wanted to see them smile, everyone knows how important it was.”—Brazil defender David Luiz in tears after the game.
-Leave food on your plate if you’re still hungry -Be the prettiest girl in the room -Hide your dark circles or pimples every time you leave the house -Have a totally hairless body -Say yes when you really want to say no -Give somebody your number when you don’t want to -Take the drink or ugh, finish the drink -Do the thing you can’t afford -Say you don’t like pop music when actually, pop music is great -Please everybody with your body -Fall in love with the first schmuck who is nice to you -“Owe” somebody sex -Be selfless all the time -Have the career path or the significant other everybody suggests to you -Be super perfect all the fucking time -Pretend like something doesn’t upset you when it does -Be super strong -Hold back your tears -Be silent when somebody says something that offends you -Have money or a super expensive education to be smart or important -Be polite to somebody who invades your personal space or hits on you -Be loud to be heard -Know what the fuck everything means -Lose that five pounds -Pretend you even want to lose weight at all -Have a “no burning bridges” policy for even the stuff that’s poisoning you -Have all the answers -Stay quiet when you don’t know the answer -Take a stance and keep that stance forever -Stay the same forever -Stop learning when you’re out of school -Act your age
All you gotta do is be nice, brush your teeth before you sleep, hold the door open, and be the kind of person who knows how to listen.
“It was very physically demanding. Some people describe it as a martial art but I would more describe it as a system of murder, because you can kill people very easily with it. There’s a real art to it, a real beauty to it. We trained for 3 1/2 weeks and my goal was to make the fights as real as possible.”—Joel McHale, one of the cast of the Hollywood horror film “Deliver Us from Evil”, on his eskrima training.